A year of listening begins

Since becoming a legit adult, I have stopped making new years resolutions and instead, started setting intentions for myself. This year, 2018 I dedicate to listening. Listening to my body, listening to the world around me. I'm sure I'll face days when I'll have to steel myself to this presence or remind myself to come back to it and when it's uncomfortable, not jump out but stay in it.

Allow me to back up. In 2010 I began what would be a painful five-year journey to heal my severe Crohn's. I spoke with doctors, healers, a clairvoyant and yes, I even considered poop transplants. I went through the gamut of emotions - desperation, depression, manic hope, hope, dedication, fear but with everything I felt, the pain was the only constant. Pain embraced me like an old friend and refused to let go. The journey to healing myself was hell, and from that pain, my strength was born, and from those flames, my dedication was ingrained, and I was lit by a passion I had yet to feel in my life thus far. 

I healed, but only after years of fist fighting the beast we call Crohn's. And it is a beast. Once the pain slowly slipped away, the inflammation ceased and fell back in line. With a healthy body, I began building myself back from twig status. I started walking, then lifting weights, stretching and each week I added a little bit more, each week I stepped forward, and some weeks in my body's infinite wisdom, I would take a step back. I was used to taking steps back for every step I took forward, but my body had taught me the way of natural healing. Natural healing is far from a straight line or a "silver bullet," it is a winding road filled with patience, dedication and many bathroom stops along the way (for me). Natural healing gave me enough minor wins to stay on the path and beat back the gnawing insecurities. 

In "normal me fashion," as soon as I could walk I ran and as soon as I could run I ran harder and faster filled with physical freedom and endless laughter. I had done it; I had done what had felt like the impossible. I had healed not just my gut but my body and my soul. I had a second chance at life. 

So what does this have to do with my year of listening you might be wondering? Everything. As soon as I could do, I "did" and it felt like a relief to not "listen" so much anymore. But again, in true "awesome body fashion," I started getting a slew of colds. I wasn't listening. I was just pushing. I forgot to take my foot off the gas, and I was speeding (with great joy) out of control. My body kept throwing up flags, and I kept pretending I didn't notice. After my last cold in December 2017, I spent that time listening, and I heard. I heard my body asking me to change direction, and I have. I've taken my foot off the gas, and I am moving forward honoring my body, the most crucial partner in my life. I have created a workout plan that I feel honors my body and as my body gives me feedback, I will tweak it. I will spend time working out outdoors, and I won't push myself 100% every time, I will listen and be nimble in my approach. And so begins my year of listening. I will journal about this experience as moments of learning show up and maybe drop thoughts along the way, and by years end I will give a full report.

Live your best life now.

Cheers,

Unique